Night terrors and nightmares
Both frighten parents, and they are opposite phenomena. The time on the clock is enough to tell them apart.
You do not forget the first time. Your child is screaming, sitting up in bed, eyes wide open, drenched in sweat — and does not recognise you. You speak to them, they do not answer. You pick them up, they fight you.
That is a night terror. It is alarming, it is benign, and it is not a nightmare at all.
The simplest test: the clock
You do not need to be a doctor to tell them apart. Look at the time.
| Night terror | Nightmare | |
|---|---|---|
| Timing | Start of night, 1–3 h after bedtime | End of night, early morning |
| Stage | Deep sleep | REM sleep |
| State | They are asleep | They are awake |
| Recognises you | No | Yes |
| Can be comforted | No — it makes it worse | Yes, and they need it |
| Memory next day | None | They can tell you |
| What you do | Make it safe and wait | Comfort them |
Deep sleep is concentrated at the start of the night; REM sleep, the dreaming one, at the end. That distribution explains everything.
Start of the night: deep sleep dominates — that is where terrors happen
1 h 20 au total, à partir de l'endormissement
- Sommeil léger
- Sommeil profond
- Sommeil paradoxal
The night terror: what is happening
It is an incomplete waking. Part of the brain comes out of deep sleep, the other stays in it. The body is awake — screaming, thrashing, sweating, heart racing, eyes sometimes open — but consciousness is still asleep.
Hence the fact that they do not recognise you: there is nobody there to talk to.
It lasts five to fifteen minutes. Then they lie back down and carry on, often abruptly. The next morning they remember nothing — and that is the reassuring part: night terrors frighten the parents, not the child.
What to do during one
Do not wake them. That is the natural reflex and exactly what prolongs the episode. A child pulled abruptly out of deep sleep is disoriented, and will take far longer to settle back.
Make it safe. If they are thrashing, move anything they could hit. If they get out of bed, guide them gently without restraining them.
Stay, and mostly stay quiet. A calm presence, a few quiet words, no bright light, no questions. Holding them tight often agitates them more.
Wait. It passes on its own. Being unable to do anything is frustrating, but doing nothing is the right answer here.
How to have fewer of them
Night terrors have one main trigger, and it is very ordinary: lack of sleep.
A child in sleep debt produces more deep sleep at the start of the night to catch up, and deep sleep is precisely the ground night terrors grow in. That is why they often follow a skipped nap, a return from holiday, a busy week or starting school.
In practice: bring bedtime forward, keep the nap as long as it is needed, and see whether episodes become rarer. In most cases that is enough.
If episodes always come at the same time, there is a technique called scheduled waking: waking the child very briefly about fifteen minutes before the usual time, for a few nights, to break the cycle. It works reasonably well, and it is the sort of thing to set up with your GP rather than alone.
The nightmare: the opposite, in everything
It comes at the end of the night, in REM sleep. The child wakes properly, is frightened, recognises you, calls you — and from about three years can tell you what they saw.
Here, you comfort. You go in, put on a night light, name what they saw without minimising it or analysing it at 4 a.m. You keep it brief, you reassure, you stay until they settle back.
Nightmares become common from two or three years, as imagination develops. That is a sign of normal development, not a problem.
When to see a doctor
Night terrors are benign and disappear on their own. There are still situations worth raising:
- very frequent episodes, several times a week over several months;
- repetitive movements, stiffening or rhythmic jerking during the episode — to rule out a neurological cause;
- loud regular snoring or breathing pauses, which fragment sleep and encourage terrors;
- very frequent nightmares alongside marked daytime anxiety;
- unusual daytime sleepiness.
None of that is alarming in itself. But it is for a doctor, not a website.
Frequently asked questions
Should you wake a child having a night terror?
No. Waking them disorients them and prolongs the episode. You make the surroundings safe so they cannot hurt themselves, stay nearby, speak little and calmly, and wait — usually five to fifteen minutes.
At what age do night terrors happen?
Most often between 18 months and 6 years, peaking around three to four. They are common and benign, and disappear on their own as sleep matures.
Are night terrors a sign of distress?
In the vast majority of cases, no. They are linked to the immaturity of deep sleep and to lack of sleep, not to a psychological problem. The most common trigger is simply accumulated tiredness.
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